I have a plan

and by good golly gosh and heavenly beings up above, it better work.

Sleep Everyone.

The lyrics to that song are right on point to what Im feeling.
Every single stanza.
Every single line.
Every single word.
It's nice to know that I'm not alone with what I'm feeling...since the guys from Powerspace managed to write a song about it.

I'm not gonna bother putting it up, since I've been posting more ridiculously sad-face-with-a-tear-ish kinds of songs that I can all relate to. I'll leave it to you to look it up or not.

{Sleep Everyone- Powerspace.}

Endlessly- Green River Ordinance

Me and my dear friend, Mariel, just happened to quote this song at the same time.

Yup it's that good. 

Enjoy.

Won't Even Start - David Choi

It's precisely that.

Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

Forgive

me for my recent morose postings about that dreaded four letter word. I promise it'll stop soon enough.

Take Me Back To The Start

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start"

Hurting

so bad, its almost unbearable.

It hurts that I cant move on.

But yet , I'm happy you have, even though its killing me every second.

Im ashamed to to be happy for you, because it makes me so angry at the same time. I'm a fucktard. The fuck is wrong with me?

Ugh excuse the language.

I just wish you wouldnt show it so plainly and openly like that. Its destroying me.

Well, maybe it is good youre being close to heartless. Hopefully it'll help me see that I need to get over it faster.

I shouldn't

sacrifice my heart and my happiness. I shouldn't cry anymore. Im tired. Exhausted, really. I know I don't deserve this. I can make things better for myself. No more hiding. No more concealing my tears, my emotions, my needs, my thoughts, my wants, my fears, my dreams. Im done with it. What's the use of hiding when no one bothers seeking? I can't keep treating myself like this. I've been at war with myself for too long. It's time that I won.

It's my turn to let someone love me with every piece and atom of their being. It's my turn to let someone give me their all. It's my turn. I don't want to give anymore, because in all truthfulness, I don't think there's anymore left to give. My resources have been all used up by the selfishness of people. But when that person finally comes to me, I will gather up all my giving again, and I will love them beyond comprehension. 

Just like how I love right now... 

How do I fall for the same things twice? I don't know, I guess I really am just dumb like that. 

It hurts. Excruciatingly painful. And I know it will for a long time. But that's just how it is. 

I'm looking forward to that one day, when everything will be ok again. I'm proud of myself. Yes, it feels good to admit that finally. I have every right to be because I got back up. Still stumbling and tripping along the way, but I'm back up. And that...that is all I need to be back on the path to genuine happiness again.

Here in Your Arms

Acoustic version by Samuel and Kristin

The problem.

"She had an overwhelming desire to tell him, like the most banal of women. Don't let me go, hold me tight, make me your plaything, your slave, your everything, be strong! But they were words she could not say. 

The only thing she said when he released her from his embrace was, "You don't know how happy I am to be with you." That was the most her reserved nature allowed her to express." 

-Milan Kundrea

Time

to put on a broken smile.

Happiness

I wish that was a word I could use to express how I feel.

I'm not happy. I am not happy. God, admitting that makes me feel like an ungrateful wretched brat. But not coming into terms with that truth would be catastrophic. Personal wise. Soul wise. To me. Everyday I feel like I am losing more and more of myself. Losing my real self by deceiving my own mind into believing that I am happy. Pretending everyday that I actually start to regard this fabrication as reality. This pretense of mine is surely unhealthy.

I think the reason why I dont attempt to stay in touch with people anymore, like how I explained in my post earlier, is because talking to them will undoubtedly reveal my act. Or perhaps not, since I still do fool a load of people. If they did notice something was wrong, they wouldnt understand. They'll listen without listening. I can count only a handfull of people who see me. Me wholeheartedly and see that I'm not myself. Which brings me to the thought of, who am I? I dont even know anymore. Im like a zombie, alive but not.

Meaningless talks, artificial joy, counterfeit "I'm fines" and excuses.

I just need to get out of here.

I'm suffocating.

I need to escape to a place where people are not so trivial and superficial. A place where I don't have to hide from the world. Im stuck. Im a crash and burn wreck. Im a failure. This post is an example of it. Im pitying myself and complaining, when there are actual real problems in this world.

But then again maybe it's ok to do so once in awhile. Maybe that's why Im so unhappy because I never talk about it. Never complain, just keep my feelings bottled up.

Who knows.
Who cares?

Lovliness

Whata Prude.

It seems that I lack the effort of keeping in touch with people. I've secluded myself into the comfort of solitary confinement, besides the company of my closest friends- which in truth isnt even all that much. In just this day alone,  four people have told me that I have been distant (albeit they didnt use that word, but were implying it). That I don't bother talking to the them, giving them hugs and other means of showing affection, or even a simple hello anymore. They said that they assumed that I did not want to be friends with them until this day when I actually did try to re-socialize. I dont intend to purposely seem to be standoffish but these days I just do not have the strength to have all the meaningless chatter. It's not that I don't want to be not friends anymore, but it just seems pointless. Im finding myself changing evermore. I'm not sure why that is. I don't like this kind of change, but I'm not gonna fight it. Maybe its just a phase. Cross my fingers.

Heartbreaking.

Bottle from Kirsten Lepore on Vimeo.

I teared up when I saw this

Johnny Boy

Exactly What I Think

No More.

I crave for the bliss that is called sleep. I ache for the ignorance that is called peace. I yearn to be healed of all this that is costing me my lifestyle, my health, my dear sanity. Im at the brink of destruction. At the brink where ..

it's almost time to say goodbye.

I'm scared.

So much to say that cannot be said.

Tangled

Cala Cola- The Smiles

The Unseen Sea

The Unseen Sea from Simon Christen on Vimeo.

These are the kinds of things that make life so unbelievably worth all the trouble.  Appreciate It, wallow in its simplicity, better yet get out and look at the real thing.

Medley N.1

My mind is blank. Im in dire need to write something, anything, everything. But Im lacking the exact words, the precise thoughts, the catchy phrases and the inspiration or creativity required to do so. This is rarely an occuring event since the inner dwellings of my head are always accommodating a myriad of restless thoughts. Always. Except for tonight that is. The only idea I can think of is how empty my brain seems. How particularly frustrating. It makes me wanna shake a baby to death. Wait that's disturbing. Uhh. Pay no mind to that.

Hmm.
Humhumhuhmhum.
Uhm.

Clack clack clack. I like hearing the sound of my fingers beating down against the keyboard keys. Clack clack clack. That sound is magic. Clack clack clack. Third times the charm.

Lalalala.

Perhaps I should reflect on my experiences of the past few days. Actually Id rather not.

I've been slaving over Benoit's project past couple hours. The goal of this assignment is to be able to accurately decipher what Huck and Jim's raft looks like. I was being over confident in myself and thought that I could make a pop up book instead of the usual 3D model that everyone does. Well that was a shitty idea lemme tell you that. It most certainly is "DOING THE MOST" as the conforming imbeciles that are called my peers would say...err, I mean my lovely fellow students. Whaaaat? Huh?! Psh, get out. Anyways back to the raft. As hard as it is , im positive it's gonna turn out great. Of course, since its made by yours truly. Damn do I amaze myself. *Hair flip

It's currently 2 in the morning and as usual Im still up and about. I know, I know depriving myself of sleep is not the brightest thing to do, so dont bury me with google facts about sleep deprivation and such. I am really trying to get some rest. Kay that was a lie but oh well. Ryan if youre reading this don't worry. I still sneak some naps here and there aha.

I was about to go more in depth with that but then this queer came up in my mind and now I can't think of anything else.

Ouch. Guess who?

And now I'm feeling..... ugh.

I have to stop here or else all I'll write about is dramatics over my feelings.

And him. Or if he's reading this - And you. Of course it's you. It's always you. OP. gotta stop.

Havent done this in awhile but....
HAPPY TRAILS,
M.E.P.

You've Left Me Speechless

Boys

Fading

Lacking

One or the Other?

Lust

SKINS (Sid&Cassie)

"Dear Cassie, Im shit with words. I don't care if you think you're odd, because I feel like singing when I see you. And you're beautiful. And I've been such a fucking chapstick this past few weeks. And all I want to do this morning is sit on top of Brandon Hill and hold you, and tell you how wonderful you are..."

-Sid 

Me and You

Years

"In the end it doesn't matter about how many years are in your life, it's the life in those years."

-John Cornelius O'Callaghan V

Drip

I just had to

Veronica's face cracks me up everytime :)

And The

How To

Verona

Oh sweet, sweet Verona. Thy fairest city of them all! By the power of Holy beings up above, please let me move here, I beg of thee!

"Doubt thou the stars are fire; 
Doubt that the sun doth move; 
Doubt truth to be a liar; 
But never doubt I love." 

        -William Shakespeare 

Thank you blogspot for letting me pour out my dramatics unto thee. I appreciate it.

I am striving

so hard to be okay, but its proving to be a grueling feat. You told me to be happy so Im doing it for you, thats the only reason why I try. Its harder than it seems because you are my source of joy. I just want you. I need you. I dont feel like myself without you.

You are my everything.

I know I sound repetitive and melodramatic, even a little desperate but its the solemn truth.

I am digging myself into a hole deeper than rock bottom and as hard as I try to resist, I keep going. You are the cause of my downfall and yet you brought me up so high.

I can't figure out what to do anymore.

Why bother figuring it out?

New album

by Atmosphere. I praise them

Christofer Drew

Cant wait to see him and The Maine :)
Oct. 22nd!

She Likes

Forever the Sickest Kids. He has exceptionally good vocals, albeit not as great as John Ohh. Of course.

Roses

Mmmm his voice here, jizzed all over my computer.

uhgiurghurg

I died and now Im in heaven. Thanks to this. Ooh Lord, this boy has a hold over me. John can you just quit being so amazing, its too much for little me to handle. Kthaaaanks.

Oh, Well Hello

Perfection

Perfect Song.

He's pretty much summed it all up.

Ryan Joseph Certeza

I miss you more than I can bear.


M.E.P

Dream Big

Awesome Book Tour from Dallas Clayton on Vimeo.


He's an inspiration. I aspire to do the things he, Blake Mycoskie, Danny Roberts, John O'Callaghan and other people like them do. I want to be a person that a kid like me can look up to and think, "Wow. Anythings possible. If she can do it, I most certainly can too." Life is amazing because of people like them. Dream big.

Click on his sites:
http://veryawesomeworld.com/
http://dallasclayton.com/

Game Face

My husband is simply scrumptious with his yellow bandana and mugging looks. High school did him good I tell ya.

Im

not fond of this attention. It's exasperating. What do they think I am? Some easy slut? Easy E! Oh yes, yes I most definitely am. Ridiculous. Please get out, I can't stand it. You'd think I'd be used to it by now (in the least conceited context possible) but honestly, now I just think it's plain disgusting. I don't want any of them. Oh Heavenly God, the next time someone talks to me or touches me like that I swear on the dear baby Jesus...I WILL unleash hell. No matter who it is. I dont care if theyre my friends, I will go total berserk ape shit. Damn horndogs. I guess I should be flattered, but I really could give two shits less. Excuse my unintelligible use of grammar. 

The only attention I want is from him. Too bad he's pretty much all the way across the world. Well, thats life for ya.

Gosh. School was barely bearable today. I guess I suck at trying to hide my emotions, because pretty much everybody was telling me how "depressed" I looked. Apparently. But I toughed it out and managed to hold back the leaks. Only good part was Lunch. Hmm yes, lunch was fun. Got our group of white washed Asians and Mexicans and managed to get a new "spot" for shakes and giggles too. Aha.  I am blessed with my friends, let me tell you that.

Everything else seemed pointless. I felt like giving up, in all honesty. Not trying to sound like the stereotypical emo, but Im just putting it out there.  There's a void in my life, and I bet you can guess what it is. I better stop being like this, it's self destructive. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Mr. Benoit was right, taking a few minutes off to reflect on my day does help.

I should make this a daily thing, eh?

Time to go back to pretending I'm ok now though.

Happy Trails,

M.E.P.

"Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were "I go to seek a Great Perhaps." That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps." 

           -John Green. 

Teenage Dream?

Thanks to Jasmine for enlightening me with this. props to ya kid... or man? haha this dude is amazing, regardless.

Every day

that you're gone, every day that passes by, every day without you brings me a day closer to you being here again.


That's the only way I can get through this right now. By having that mind set.


I love you and I miss you dearly and deeply already.


M.E.P.

Jonathan Boulet

Jonathan Boulet - A Community Service Announcement from Special Problems on Vimeo.


<3333333333

Impressive.

Seaweed from Tell No One on Vimeo.

Denial.

That's the state I am still in right now. I've been crying all weekend, howbeit it has yet to hit me to the point where I am a devastated ruin - which I know will happen soon. Shit...I'm already a wreck, imagine how I'll be in the next couple of days. Don't even want to think about that right now.


I just wish I could've said goodbye. 


Life, you are a cruel friend.

M.E.P.

I have been

posting more random crap of the late, most specially videos.


It keeps my mind distracted from my current mishappenings. If thats even a word?


Happy Trails,
M.E.P.

WOWEEKAZAAM!

CLICK ON THIS! I BEG OF YOU! 

http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/08/usb-typewriter-pc/

http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/08/usb-typewriter-pc/

http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/08/usb-typewriter-pc/

http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/08/usb-typewriter-pc/

I WANT THIS MORE THAN ANY OTHER SUPERFICIAL OBJECT IN THE WORLD.

Invisible

Finger Tats

Great Exit.

I love posting videos

Aint no way im not getting this book. Go to their site -> http://www.holidaymatinee.com/

Pencils

http://www.area4.at/blog/kleinste-schnitzereien/

These were all carved from regular wooden pencils. Wtf, right? I applaud this man. 

Marcel The Shell

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

This made me feel a bit less sad. 


Actually, it cheered me up...to an extent. I love this. Hello Repeat button?

Beatles

Apple McCartney, John Lemon, George Pearrison, Mango Starr.

Local Natives

Dead Man's Bones

= <3

FYF FEST

This is what I'm missing today :'(

BOOO!

http://www.fyffest.com/index.htm

My dream.

Danny Roberts at Fashion Week NYC.

I want to be like him and do what he does.

If only.

Danny Roberts

Gosh

Its absolutely insane how much of you preoccupies my mind. You are constantly present inside this little nuthead of mine and it drives me overboard... in a really lovely way. Haha.

You are amazing.

Let me tell you that.

Amazing? Wait. Fuck, that doesnt even cover half of how "amazing" I think you are.

If I could gather up all the magnificient words in the whole english, french spanish, tagolog, or whatever language, dictionary and condense them all together it'd be you.

My heart feels like it's going to completely rupture and detonate any second now...again, in a really lovely way.

I love you.

I fucking love you.

Im telling you this tomorrow by the way. 

I should stop writing about you here and save it up for my novel aha.

Here's to all the places we went. And all the places we'll go. And here's to me, whispering again and again and again and again: iloveyou.

M.E.P.

Oh Hey Hipster Boy

Conformity Kills

Do you believe in magic?

Sad Face?

“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

—	J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

Now That's A Damn Tattoo

Cheesin

Chanks

Believe

I didn’t know..

..there was anyone like you. You were a surprise…When I knew I loved you, I was afraid because it meant needing you so much.

Don’t promise me forever, just love me day by day. No one knows the future, we’re young, but that’s okay.