I shouldn't

sacrifice my heart and my happiness. I shouldn't cry anymore. Im tired. Exhausted, really. I know I don't deserve this. I can make things better for myself. No more hiding. No more concealing my tears, my emotions, my needs, my thoughts, my wants, my fears, my dreams. Im done with it. What's the use of hiding when no one bothers seeking? I can't keep treating myself like this. I've been at war with myself for too long. It's time that I won.

It's my turn to let someone love me with every piece and atom of their being. It's my turn to let someone give me their all. It's my turn. I don't want to give anymore, because in all truthfulness, I don't think there's anymore left to give. My resources have been all used up by the selfishness of people. But when that person finally comes to me, I will gather up all my giving again, and I will love them beyond comprehension. 

Just like how I love right now... 

How do I fall for the same things twice? I don't know, I guess I really am just dumb like that. 

It hurts. Excruciatingly painful. And I know it will for a long time. But that's just how it is. 

I'm looking forward to that one day, when everything will be ok again. I'm proud of myself. Yes, it feels good to admit that finally. I have every right to be because I got back up. Still stumbling and tripping along the way, but I'm back up. And that...that is all I need to be back on the path to genuine happiness again.