Best Bands...

...in my opinion. Granted it's missing a few but this list, this list is Holy.

Not in Love

By Crystal Castles ft. Robert Smith from The Cure

I idolize Alice Glass. Crystal Castles. Nuff said.

Wirs

By Matt and Kim

Grizzly Bear

Music Overload today

TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB

They have the coolest videos ever.

Seeing them at Coachella?

Fingers crossed!

Ive never felt more alone than today.
I just want to know why?
Why do people end up leaving me always, specially when I need them the most?
It's my fault isnt it?
Of course it is. I dont need to be here.
God, why am I still here.
Is there a way to accidentally die on purpose?
I'll find something.
Im not strong enough to even do it myself. That's how weak I am.
No friends, I dont know what happened. But I saw it coming.
A family who would hate me for telling them how I feel.
Nobody to talk to.
The one person that I can trust my life with,
I end up pushing away.
I believe its for the best.

But it is so hard.
Why cant I be normal?
Why can't I just be cherished. For once.
or am I bound to be forever dispensable.
Worthless is what I am. Only good for being used.

I need someone to talk to. I cant stand it here any longer. Im not wanted by anybody. Im irrelevant in this world. Thats why that one night, felt so good, because I knew I was wanted, desired. I could feel it. But im not stupid.  Yeah sure, being under the influence helped me...for a little while, but waking up after it? I felt more fucked up than ever.
I dont like the way I am is understatement. Do you think I enjoy having these monsters in my head? Monsters who are perpetually clawing into my head as soon as I think I got rid of them? Monsters who make  me mad, mad, mad. So mad. I am a monster. Born from a human. Which is why I am never able to keep those who I care for. People come and go in my life, or rather I am just there, and people just dont want to consider the fact that I am there. I disgust them. I scare them. I repel them, once they get close enough. Isnt that what monsters do?
But I cant be one, because I feel. Wretched things arent capable of feeling. So how can I? I feel so much. To the point where it's too much for me. I feel the anger, the spite, the rage that Monsters feel without feeling. And I feel sadness, the lonliness, a beast might feel if he wasnt so overshadowed by his very being.
Why the fuck am I like this?
I cant even. I dont know. I dont want to give up. I shouldnt have a reason to. Im sheltered, Im fed, Im warm, Im blessed with material things while other people in the world dont. Do they want to do the things I want to do? Do they want to give up? Maybe, but even in the darkest parts of the world, they keep trying. They want to live. Who am I to be so selfish and so unappreciative. I dont deserve this life. Someone else should have taken my place. Im guilty.

YOu

It's hard. Really fucking hard trying not to slip into that again. But I am. Trying. That counts, doesn't it?

Summer

Do you remember those summer days, those summer nights? When you came over in those hours of quiet stillness- where early mornings and late nights mingled with each other? When your touch was something I expected to be a daily routine?  When, we made love here...and there? 

Do you remember those summer days, those summer nights? When you came over just so I can close my eyes, if not just for awhile? When just being in your arms was the greatest comfort that I sought? When your voice was my very own sweet lullaby?

Do you remember those summer days, those summer nights? When we let each other in- our gilded walls finally starting to erode, brick by brick, crumbling down? When we just talked about everything, all of it, even the nothings? When I knew that it was truer than true, that in fact I was really actually in love with you?

I remember them,

As I shall, eternally.

I will keep these memories, our memories, safe.

And every so often I will take them out of their hidden shelter and expose them;

Indulge myself in it's  loveliness.

I will keep on taking them out until my last breath, until it is worn out;

Till I've replayed every single moment so much that it will be like a dream.

My only dream that doesnt seem to be a nightmare.

I remember them.

As I shall, infinitely.

m.e.p

Absence

 

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”  

~Anaïs Nin

Tell Me

Best

Light.

Favorite scene ever.

It wasnt letting me embed it so heres the link.

Freddie and Effy

I love them together. But sometimes I get mad at Effy for hurting him alot. Still, he takes care of her so good. Damaged people go together. Opposites really do attract.

The last one made me cry, because of the fact that *spoiler alert, if you havent seen it and dont want to know dont read past this* he dies at the end. They wouldve been together forever. Sad story.

Freddy Mclair.

 

Freddy Mclair from the 2nd generation of Skins is absolutely my favorite character ever made. I adore, revere, worship him to a height that is overbearingly ridiculous and uhm creepy to say the least, due to the reason that he is, alas, fictional. Shrug off the fact that he is doubtlessly gorgeous and HNNNG-able to the max, the kind of person he is is truly beautiful and a rarity in guys these days. He reminds me very much of this one person I know, which is probably why I love this character so much. Luke Pasqualino does such a tremendous job impersonating the essence that is, Freddie, so now I am a fan of his. If i ever saw him Id turn into psychopathic, squealing, stuttering, sad eleven year old girl. Not unlike Justin Bieber's fans. Hmm, I wonder if he'd take it well. Anyways, I will dedicate my posts tonight to him. Nothing else to do but for you to enjoy it and embrace it.

Lights Will Guide

Fix You - Coldplay

The only reason I've never brought them up before is because, how can you not know about Coldplay?

I have YET to see them live, which I will. Definitely. 

Bask in this song, it makes you feel good.

Deadly

This Is For You

       It really hurts when you say things like that. Stop giving me all the credit, it makes me feel like a phony. Don't you realize? I don't know how I'll be able to ever convince you, like how you can convince me. You've always been the one that can talk. And me? Sure I have the words, but its inapplicable since I can't even say them to you.  I wish I could just forcibly open your eyes and make you see your wonderful self like how I do. All these troubles that have befallen you, well, most people would have made them as an excuse to behave...less civil, if you will. But you? Despite it all, you are the most beautiful person I have ever met.
       I know you don't believe me when I tell you that you are amazing, but you are. Yes, youre definitely not perfect, but perfect isn't what I want. I love your flaws, I'm not afraid of them. Besides it makes me feel not as crazy with mine. Haha. I don't care if you get fatter, skinnier, shave your head, or even, yes, dress unfortunately looking, all those can be fixed anyways. Who you are however, no one can ever replace that. Stop saying youre not special because goddamnit you are. You DO have potential, undoubtedly so. You can make a life for yourself, a good one at that too. All you need to do is accept your talents and use them. You say you can't write but I know you can. Plus you can even say them out loud, unlike me. You can draw too, don't even deny it. And you're smart. Both ways. Where as I'm only literate. There's so many things you can do, just stop shrugging them off as irrelevant because theyre not. Im sounding really hypocritical right now, since I can't accept mine either. But you're helping me inch closer and closer into really seeing them, and I want to give you that too. Dearest, it's ok to be selfish once in awhile.
       My selfless, endlessly caring, unbelievably understanding, creepily observant, collected, independent, seducing, flirtatious, ridiculous, annoying, stubborn, non reading, tall shaggy haired-golden eyed mystery mixed boy- I cherish you. I absoutely fucking love you so much, with such an abundance that I can barely understand it myself.  Your effect on me is at such a high immensity that I can't even imagine how I can live my life without you. As disgustingly cliche and pathetic as it sounds, I shan't deny the inevitable truth. And yes it gets so hard at times that I doubt us and everything we've gone through and what we can be together in the future, but always always always, at the end of it all, you make me fall so hard in love with you again and then I'm right back where I was-foolishly in love and feeling so dumbheaded for ever doubting what we have.
       I'm sorry for giving you so much of my crap. I honestly don't know how you do it.

-Love,

m.e.p

Alabama, Arkansas

Home- Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

I adore this song. I wish I could whistle aha. Lyrics are great too

Run

Addicted

Tis not

Angel-Jack Johnson

Short and sweet song

Hard Times

Couldn't agree more. Father dearest even said so, "These are not times to pursue your dreams and passions. If you want to survive, you have to be practical." Wish it werent the case

Ripples

Perfect

    Imagine. Being here with that one person, or persons, whoever you want. No problems, no worries, no stress. Just undeniable bliss. Get a boat, build a cottage, take a handful of days or weeks or years and there you go. Your very own escape. 

    I wonder how the sky looks like here at night, with the sound of waves lightly lapping against the beach. There'd be a cool breeze hitting the trees thus leaving the leaves whispering and constantly rustling. There'd be a bird or two breaking out a into a lovely lullaby. All of Mother Nature's very own symphony. And the smell. The smell of clean, crisp air coalescing with the distinct saltiness of the ocean and the fragrant fresh scent of tropical trees. Though theres a breeze, it wouldnt be cold, but it'd still enough to need that special someone to have them engulf you in their arms, legs tangled, as if one person. It's perfection incarnated. Just imagine.

Aha corny to the max, but hey

m.e.p.

Washed up

Stereo Love- Edward Maya

Boardwalk Empire

Boardwalk Empire VFX Breakdowns of Season 1 from Brainstorm Digital on Vimeo.

Awesome series on HBO, secrets revealed. The special effects are sublime.  This is another career I'd like to have, most definitely

Hooray

A shitload

   I feel as if turning a new leaf has been long overdue for me. There isnt a lot that I like about myself. So is that not what New Year's is for? To begin anew? Its an excuse, a false hope, I suppose. Why should New Years be a specific time to make a promise that we will modify our lives somehow? Should we not strive to do that everyday? I don't know. But we all know that most of us end up falling short on those resolutions anyways.

   So this change, this revision of mine will not be a "New Year's Resolution." That is too fickle of a promise to myself. It is going to be an everyday strive. Undoubtedly, it will be a strenuous conquest  and I expect some falls and stumbles every now and then. But I'll take baby steps. Little actions at first. Then day by day. Week by week. Month by month. So on and so forth.

    I will change and I will  grow and I will make mistakes and I will win some fights and I will lose some. I will cry, laugh, scream, be silent, hate, love. I will show emotions, I will show stone. I will be smart but I will have stupid fun. The  process does not take merely a year, it takes an entire existence. An existence called Life. Something called living. I will be alive.

-m.e.p