I need someone to talk to. I cant stand it here any longer. Im not wanted by anybody. Im irrelevant in this world. Thats why that one night, felt so good, because I knew I was wanted, desired. I could feel it. But im not stupid. Yeah sure, being under the influence helped me...for a little while, but waking up after it? I felt more fucked up than ever.
I dont like the way I am is understatement. Do you think I enjoy having these monsters in my head? Monsters who are perpetually clawing into my head as soon as I think I got rid of them? Monsters who make me mad, mad, mad. So mad. I am a monster. Born from a human. Which is why I am never able to keep those who I care for. People come and go in my life, or rather I am just there, and people just dont want to consider the fact that I am there. I disgust them. I scare them. I repel them, once they get close enough. Isnt that what monsters do?
But I cant be one, because I feel. Wretched things arent capable of feeling. So how can I? I feel so much. To the point where it's too much for me. I feel the anger, the spite, the rage that Monsters feel without feeling. And I feel sadness, the lonliness, a beast might feel if he wasnt so overshadowed by his very being.
Why the fuck am I like this?
I cant even. I dont know. I dont want to give up. I shouldnt have a reason to. Im sheltered, Im fed, Im warm, Im blessed with material things while other people in the world dont. Do they want to do the things I want to do? Do they want to give up? Maybe, but even in the darkest parts of the world, they keep trying. They want to live. Who am I to be so selfish and so unappreciative. I dont deserve this life. Someone else should have taken my place. Im guilty.
I dont like the way I am is understatement. Do you think I enjoy having these monsters in my head? Monsters who are perpetually clawing into my head as soon as I think I got rid of them? Monsters who make me mad, mad, mad. So mad. I am a monster. Born from a human. Which is why I am never able to keep those who I care for. People come and go in my life, or rather I am just there, and people just dont want to consider the fact that I am there. I disgust them. I scare them. I repel them, once they get close enough. Isnt that what monsters do?
But I cant be one, because I feel. Wretched things arent capable of feeling. So how can I? I feel so much. To the point where it's too much for me. I feel the anger, the spite, the rage that Monsters feel without feeling. And I feel sadness, the lonliness, a beast might feel if he wasnt so overshadowed by his very being.
Why the fuck am I like this?
I cant even. I dont know. I dont want to give up. I shouldnt have a reason to. Im sheltered, Im fed, Im warm, Im blessed with material things while other people in the world dont. Do they want to do the things I want to do? Do they want to give up? Maybe, but even in the darkest parts of the world, they keep trying. They want to live. Who am I to be so selfish and so unappreciative. I dont deserve this life. Someone else should have taken my place. Im guilty.
