It's getting ahold of me again. That sick feeling. The ugly one that makes me think things I shouldn't think. I'm desperate for help. The constant thoughts. The constant crying. The constant extreme ups and downs. It is fatiguing to always try and pick myself up every time. Maybe my problem is that when I'm happy, I let myself enjoy it too much. When I'm happy I think myself invincible, so confident in everything, but in reality I am not. The poison that lingers within my head always return, seemingly stronger every time. It kills that facade of mine with so much ease, so swiftly. I can never escape it. The monster keeps me imprisoned within my own mind. Trapped forever in this dark chasm.
This monster also prohibits me from trusting. I can't trust anybody. Even the ones that have shown me that I can. No matter how hard I try there is always doubt. Always second guessing. I want to trust, more than anything. Especially him. But I can't. I just can't. Not fully, like I wish I could, anyways.
My head, I don't know how much longer it can stay working. Sooner or later, the monster will take over to the point where it won't be me anymore.
This monster also prohibits me from trusting. I can't trust anybody. Even the ones that have shown me that I can. No matter how hard I try there is always doubt. Always second guessing. I want to trust, more than anything. Especially him. But I can't. I just can't. Not fully, like I wish I could, anyways.
My head, I don't know how much longer it can stay working. Sooner or later, the monster will take over to the point where it won't be me anymore.
