I want to believe so so bad. But my head tells me constantly that its not real. Its all fabricated. I dont blame my head, its just looking out for me after all. Last time I didnt listen to it, I was crushed and destroyed. Incapable of feeling nothing else but that seething, tearing, agonizing hole in my chest and guts. I was beat down, emotionally, numerably more times than I should have let myself be by one person. I know that you are not like him, that I shouldn't think that you'll be like him but please understand how hard it is to let myself be so naive again. I'm sorry I cant believe you and trust you as fully as I want to. I am so broken, it would be catastrophic to let myself be exposed like that.
I'm just so terrified. It is going to take some time. Tiny baby steps. I am sorry for making you prove yourself repeatedly over, cleaning up after his mess. But please, understand...
In the end
I'm giving you my heart, as fragile as it is, anyways.
Pieces at a time.
In fact it's almost whole again. Youre putting it back together.
Tiny pieces of a once shattered thing, forming a wholesome object.
Don't break it more than it already is.
If you don't mean it, if you even have to hesitate, just please say so now.
Dont let me find out later on. No secrets, no lies.
You see, its not just my heart you have to be careful with.
It's even deeper than that.
My soul.
Im putting that on you too.
So please tread carefully with me.
-m.e.p
