writing this, after hours of crying for you, for me, for us, for my parents. There's no one else to talk to. My parents are gone, my friends aren't here, and worst of all you're not. So I'm stuck here.
Just when I don't think it's possible for me to cry out anymore, the stinging comes and my eyes pour out endless waterfalls once again. I don't want to cry anymore. It doesn't solve anything. Now my eyes are burning, whether I leave them opened or closed and terribly more so when I blink. This is torture. Painful. Physical pain. But I would endure all the physical pain in the world right now just to take away the other kind of pain.
This kind of pain of not being able to call you mine. The kind of pain of not speaking to you, touching you, being with you. The kind of pain of losing you. The kind of pain of losing our love.
This kind of pain of ruining my family. The kind of pain of losing their trust. The kind of pain of knowing that all this is my fault and responsibility. The kind of pain of learning that I burden all my loved ones, even you.
You said that somehow someday we will be together again...I am torn on this.
We are so young. Just in high school. Of course people criticize and doubt our love because of our age. Even I do sometimes. My dad said that when he was our age he thought he was in love countless of times, but really it was just because he was a horny bastard and that every guy is the same. All they want to do is fuck. So you wouldn't be any different. His words exactly. I know a majority of guys are like that, but you are not. I know your're not. I know you love me like you say you do, but like I said before we're just in high school. Its just a pond preparing us for the sea- college, the rest of our lives. I want to believe it when you say that you will always love me and that you could never feel or look the same about a girl as you do for me...but honestly, there are billions of other souls in this world that could be for you, and so of course I doubt that a bit. I'm just trying to be realistic here. This isnt a movie, book, song, or script written TV series. It's real life. Relationships these days aren't valued like they were back then so what are the chances of us happening again?
I know Im being cynical, but I have to prepare myself. Because if I dont and instead just hope that the things you say will happen... and it doesn't end up as so, I don't think I could be able to bare that.
I just love you. I love you so much, too much. You have to know that. I regret not showing you that enough now. Now that it is too late and we are not allowed to love each other.
It pains me that our love was so new, still growing, when it was cut short. Denied completely. I want that second chance for us to happen more than anything. I want to believe so badly. Should I let myself?
M.E.P
